Fears and Faults You've Left Behind

Dear Molly,

     Life is rough. There's no getting around that unsatisfying bit of information. But karma has blown up in my face over the last several weeks. There's no denying that either. Let's go back about a month. That's when my life took a wrong turn.

     It all started at my confirmation weekend with my Temple's 10th grade class. I could only talk about school. It was the only thing on my mind. So I annoyed everyone there. Then I had to go visit Papa Ken in a rehabilitation center, and fought with my entire family all the way home. Mom got so mad she stormed out of the car when we were driving down Palo Verde. It was the start of one hell of a week.

   Monday was a very long day. That night, my acne seemed worse than usual. I put on more acne cream. Boy, was that a mistake. The next day, smack in the middle of the CAHSEE, I developed a rash. Mom had to pick me up from school and take me to the doctor. Turns out that salicylic acne products contain sulfa, which I'm blatantly allergic to. I survived the next week on no sleep, a cough drop in my mouth at all times and a minimum of two oatmeal baths a day. By Thursday I was so sleep deprived that I had to go to the nurse's office to take a nap during lunch. I had been in there so many times that week the rude clerk was convinced I just felt like being in there and was faking it. On Friday I could barely get out of bed. Mom sends me to school anyway. I just couldn't take it another nanosecond. I asked to be excused from first period English to get a cough drop. I was so sad, mad, and angry at the world that I just started wandering in a feeble attempt to calm myself down. Mistake. I had to be taken to the psychiatrist's office because my parents were convinced I was having a manic episode. I was just really sleep deprived. Extremely sleep deprived.

     So, I'm no longer at Millikan due to that Hell Week. I'm being home-schooled through a program called "Opportunities for Learning." It serves the strangest population of students. Everyone from delinquents to gifted people. And I hate it. I miss Poly so much it brings me to tears to just think about it. I miss the school environment, the social interactions, and even having 7 different classes with 7 different teachers piling homework on you.

    But I'm going to go back to Poly and PACE if I have any say in the matter. So just remember Molly, this too shall pass. Just about everyone who reads this cares about you and your well being. And never forget you have this Type B Plus personality. It serves you well in life, and some day, maybe even today, you'll use it to help 
other people.


And Today, you get two songs. Both with deep meaning to you.


The Cave, By Mumford and Sons
  

It's empty in the valley of your heart

The sun, it rises slowly as you walk

Away from all the fears

And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat

You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see

But I have seen the same

I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I'll know my name as it's called again

‘Cause I have other things to fill my time

You take what is yours and I'll take mine

Now let me at the truth

Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears

I can see widows and orphans through my tears

I know my call despite my faults

And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands

And see the world hanging upside down

You can understand dependence

When you know the maker's land

So make your sirens call

And sing all you want

I will not hear what you have to say

‘Cause I need freedom now

And I need to know how

To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I'll know my name as it's called again

And All Fall Down, By OneRepublic

Step out the door and it feels like rain
That's the sound, that's the sound on your windowpane
Take to the streets but you can't ignore
That's the sound, that's the sound, you're waiting for

If ever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
That's where you'll find me
(Yeah)

God love your soul and your aching bones
Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below
Everyone's the same, our fingers to our toes
We just can't get a ride, but we're on the road

If ever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
That's where you'll find me
(Yeah)

Lost till you're found, swim till you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love till you hate, strong till you break
Know that we all fall down

If ever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
That's where you'll find me

Lost till you're found, swim till you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love till you hate, strong till you break
Know that we all fall down

All fall down, all fall down
All fall down, all fall down
All fall down, all fall down

Lost till you're found, swim till you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love till you hate, strong till you break
Know that we all fall down



Love, Molly

Bittersweet

Dear Molly,

      So you've spent a week at Millikan. You're currently at Camp Hess Kramer with your confirmation group, some of your favorite people. You're enjoying yourself. So, Millikan. 1st period English with Mrs. Hickox. She's the QUEST Lead Teacher She's quirky, but hopefully in a good way. 2nd period dance, which is fun. Once you figure out how to do a six step. 3rd period math with Ms. Davis, who's really interesting. 4th period Spanish, and you're way ahead. They're just learning the preterit. 5th Period Bio, where you have a student teacher, Mr. Thyden. He's pretty cool. 6th period orchestra, which is in all honesty kind of boring. 7th period drawing and painting, which is a lot of fun. 8th period APUSH with Mr. Osborn, who seems exactly like Mr. Gillogly, right down to the SMOs. And you were thrown in head first, and already have to think about next year's classes. You were going to take AP Art History, but found out you are required to take Physics, ugh. So that means you'll probably wind up doing AP Bio instead of Art History. But now it's a toss up between Music Theory and Psychology. Hmm. But, overall Millikan is a good change, but you miss Poly.

Song of the Day: Bittersweet Symphony, by the Verve
It's pretty fitting.

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah,

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the things meet yeah

You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you've ever been down?

Love, Molly