Another Cycle 'Round the Sun

Dear Molly,

2021 is over. What. A. Year. 

It was another year of finding your place, another situation where circumstances snowballed and blew up in your face, another time you had to deal with rejection from things you wanted more than anything, and another chance to remember your own guts and grit, and another realization to give yourself grace.

As always, you stepped up without hesitation, and proved to be a rare example of someone who follows through. And being a member of the SJSU School of Music and Dance Advocacy Committee was a blessing. You didn't have to go out of your comfort zone, you just had to show up. And just by being willing to stick around and offer an opinion here and there, you made a difference.

As always, you refuse to let things go if they mean a lot to you, even against your better judgement. After awkward online Camp Scherman, you just wanted to go back and replace the horrible memories of spiraling out of control with memories of making a positive impact. Except you ruined it by confiding in the wrong person. Impulsively, you applied to Northern California camps, landed a position, and knew that it was going to feel like a stepping stone to getting back to where you wanted to be. You chose the camp that was going to be the least similar to the camps you grew up with. The camp at a new site. But the red flags were there before you even started. You had to learn the hard way that there's only so much one person can handle when everyone around them has no clue what they're doing because they've never done it before. So camp with Girl Scouts of Northern California wound up being a dud. Thankfully, there's 110 other councils that would love to welcome you and help you grow as a counselor and as a person.

Then there was the music fraternity debacle. It hurt you right in the heart. 'They'd be lucky to have me' to 'it's their loss' to 'they never deserved me in the first place' is brutal when you're not wanted anywhere. There's something to be said for being wanted, but in the end, you need to put your heart and soul into things that will be there for the rest of your life. You're not going to be a college student forever. But you fully intended to ice skate as long as possible.

And then you did something above and beyond just dealing with whatever garbage-baloney life gives you and moving forward. You joined color guard, for real this time. It was a decade-long pipe dream that became a reality. The learning curve was steep, more tears of frustration than you'd care to admit to were shed, and you questioned why you signed yourself up for something you were woefully underprepared for. But over the course of four months, you kept at it, attending every practice, and trying your best to learn in an unforgiving environment. And the end result, a pregame sequence and five halftime shows was something to be proud of.

As always, you made your way back to the group that's been your sanctuary for coming up on two-thirds of your life: orchestra. A group were you belong, fit in, and are appreciated.

2022 will mark the end of your life as an undergraduate student. What a journey it's been.

A horrifying first semester with a barely passing GPA at CSULB. Getting a long-awaited AD/HD diagnosis, and learning that your learning struggles weren't about anything you did or didn't do was a relief. Being able to be yourself on your own terms the next year, and learning how to work through anxiety when it hits. A third year that wasn't part of the plan that was largely unremarkable.

Finally achieving the goal of going to a school not in Long Beach. Turning the pipe dream of majoring in music into a reality. A global pandemic that left you stuck doing school work in your room for more than a year. Going back to a San Jose, which will never be quite be your home, but will always be a good place to learn and grow and become your best self.

In four short months, you'll be a college graduate. You'll get a certificate suitable for framing! A Bachelor of Arts with majors in Behavioral Science and Music, with a minor in Creative Arts. (The minor was for good measure. It was actually just three extra classes that were easy enough. There was already one extraneous class, two semesters of choir and one of steel drums from CSULB and one class that also counted as a music elective.) 

Although you already knew the general direction your life is headed, you're almost ready to face the future. You know who you are, and you know who you're meant to be. No matter what life throws your way, you can rise above. To quote the Arthur Theme Song, Believe in yourself, and that's the place to start.

Love,

Molly

Song of the Day: 100 Years by Five for Fighting.

Well, you're only at 23 years and change, but you already feel as though you've lived a meaningful life and accomplished all the things you've set out to do. You only have 100 years to live, but you intend to make each of them count.

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between ten and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15, there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15
There's never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
I'm still the man, but you see I'm a "they"
A kid on the way, babe
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15, there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself within a morning star

15, I'm alright with you
15
There's never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live

Half time goes by, suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye, 67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on

I'm 99 for a moment
And dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15, there's still time for you
22, I feel her too
33, you're on your way
Every day's a new day

Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo-hoo
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo-hoo
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo

15, there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose, hey, 15
There's never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live