Dear Molly,
This is undoubtedly going to be a hard entry to write. Having to consider the balance between your writer's brain with a never ending flow of words and your sensitive, soulful, please-everyone-at-all-costs state of mind is no simple task.
The point of this blog is to not hold back. That once you hit that Publish button, your words are etched in stone for all of the immediate world to see. Well, digital but permanent stone.
Ki va moed; the time is now, to say what needs to be said. The world needs to listen.
Don't.
Tell.
Me.
I'm.
Fine.
Hear those five little words, loud and clear. Take them in. Turn them over in your mind.
Are they harsh? Absolutely. Can they be sugarcoated? But of course.
Dissect them.
Don't: Avoid. Refrain. Stop.
Tell: Say. Speak. Convince.
Me: The Writer; Molly Rosenfeld.
I’m: The current state of one's being.
Fine: Acceptable. Satisfactory. Alright.
So, what should you say instead?
You.
Will.
Be.
Fine.
Fine.
*********************************************************
You'll never forget the first time someone told you those words when you were in the throes of despair, hating yourself, and thinking that the universe hated you back.
2014. For all intents and purposes, you had been kicked out of Millikan after a mere two weeks, and sent to the dumping ground that is Opportunities for Learning Public Charter Schools. You were, in a word, miserable. Being stuck at home with your own feelings of self-loathing keeps you locked in a depression. A deep, dark hole that you've fallen into and can't escape.
While waiting for your parents to pick you up after a meeting with your independent study adviser, you struck up a conversation with a girl. You explain your anguish, and it felt so good to get it out. She's missing her hair, and explains that she has alopecia. And she tells you that you have a good head on your shoulders, and that she believes in you. You can't even remember her name, but she's one of your heroes.
You're sent back to Millikan for your junior year, and slowly, you start to become aware of your own inner strength. You fall down, and get back up. You stumble a bit, and stand up stronger than before. (As it happens, your parents once gave you a bracelet engraved with: Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight. Physically impossible, but the sentiment is true.)
In fact, last Spring, on the eve of two tests, you were feeling pretty low, and posted this on Facebook:
It's been a rough week, and it's only Wednesday. And I have two tests tomorrow. Woot woot. I need some genuine encouragement. I'm not here to fish for compliments, so I'm proposing a challenge. Give me a compliment and I'll pay you back in-kind. And better still, pass it on. This world could use a happy boost!
Here are some responses:
You are vulnerable=brave!
Trust me when I tell you that you know more than you think you know! You've totally got this!
Your positivity, great sense of humor, and intelligence will lead the way. You got this!
Trust me when I tell you that you know more than you think you know! You've totally got this!
Your positivity, great sense of humor, and intelligence will lead the way. You got this!
Trust you are the woman who can conquer your challenges. I know you are. Remember your strength!
You're an excellent student and extremely capable.
You're an excellent student and extremely capable.
You have always been one of the smartest people I know.
You're one of the strongest people I know. You got it girl!!
You're one of the strongest people I know. You got it girl!!
You’re strong and I appreciate your undying honesty and love.
*********************************************************
One of your most prized possessions is a gift from a stranger. It's a "giving key", engraved with STRENGTH.
You'll always remember the circumstances of how you acquired it. Mid-July, 2017. You were supposed to be at Camp Scherman. Instead, you were, for the most part, moping at home. You went to the ice rink in an attempt to cheer yourself up, only to remember that Lakewood ICE was hosting the ISI World Recreational Team Championships, so there weren't any public sessions that week. You offer to help out by being a "music runner", and then get chastised for being too chatty when going back and forth with CDs. Being told you're volunteering wrong was enough to make you cry. A women pulls you aside, asks you what's going on, and tells you everything will be okay. She gives you the key on a necklace, the same one her daughter has, and you cry a little more, grateful for her generosity.
You'll always remember the circumstances of how you acquired it. Mid-July, 2017. You were supposed to be at Camp Scherman. Instead, you were, for the most part, moping at home. You went to the ice rink in an attempt to cheer yourself up, only to remember that Lakewood ICE was hosting the ISI World Recreational Team Championships, so there weren't any public sessions that week. You offer to help out by being a "music runner", and then get chastised for being too chatty when going back and forth with CDs. Being told you're volunteering wrong was enough to make you cry. A women pulls you aside, asks you what's going on, and tells you everything will be okay. She gives you the key on a necklace, the same one her daughter has, and you cry a little more, grateful for her generosity.
You often wear it around your neck with a peace sign charm that Sam gave you. Chazak and shalom!
Chazak, chazak v'neit hazeck! Be strong, be strong, and we will be strengthened.
Love,
Molly
Molly
